Eminescu in Scrisoarea I are o viziune atat de reala a ceea ce face posteritatea din viata unui geniu. Mi s-a intiparit in minte si va reamintesc si voua:
“Neputând să te ajungă, crezi c-or vrea să te admire?
Ei vor aplauda desigur biografia subţire
Care s-o-ncerca s-arate că n-ai fost vrun lucru mare,
C-ai fost om cum sunt şi dânşii… Măgulit e fiecare
Că n-ai fost mai mult ca dânsul. […]
Dar afară de acestea, vor căta vieţii tale
Să-i găsească pete multe, răutăţi şi mici scandale –
Astea toate te apropie de dânşii… Nu lumina
Ce în lume-ai revărsat-o, ci păcatele şi vina,
Oboseala, slăbiciunea, toate relele ce sunt
Într-un mod fatal legate de o mână de pământ;
Toate micile mizerii unui suflet chinuit
Mult mai mult îi vor atrage decât tot ce ai gândit.”
si totusi, si totusi – eu nu ma pot abtine. Eu nu pot sa nu imi bag nasul in jurnale, in memorii, in scrisori…dar nu e pentru ca sunt in cautare de senzational – mai degraba sunt in cautare de real, vreau sa fiu acolo in cele mai intime ganduri, vreau sa inteleg ce era in mintea lor, in sufletul lor…vreau pur si simplu sa ii inteleg ca oameni – nu ca genii.
Asa ca am ajuns la Beethoven si ascult in masina un nene inregistrat care ii citeste scrisorile lui (uneori imi e rusine)
TO ELEONORE VON BREUNING,–BONN.
Vienna, Nov. 2, 1793.
MY HIGHLY ESTEEMED ELEONORE, MY DEAREST FRIEND,–
A year of my stay in this capital has nearly elapsed before you receive a letter from me, and yet the most vivid remembrance of you is ever present with me. I have often conversed in thought with you and your dear family, though not always in the happy mood I could have wished, for that fatal misunderstanding still hovered before me, and my conduct at that time is now hateful in my sight. But so it was, and how much would I give to have the power wholly to obliterate from my life a mode of acting so degrading to myself, and so contrary to the usual tenor of my character!
Many circumstances, indeed, contributed to estrange us, and I suspect that those tale-bearers who repeated alternately to you and to me our mutual expressions were the chief obstacles to any good understanding between us. Each believed that what was said proceeded from deliberate conviction, whereas it arose only from anger, fanned by others; so we were both mistaken. Your good and noble disposition, my dear friend, is sufficient security that you have long since forgiven me. We are told that the best proof of sincere contrition is to acknowledge our faults; and this is what I wish to do. Let us now draw a veil over the whole affair, learning one lesson from it,–that when friends are at variance, it is always better to employ no mediator, but to communicate directly with each other.
With this you will receive a dedication from me [the variations on “Se vuol ballare”]. My sole wish is that the work were greater and more worthy of you. I was applied to here to publish this little work, and I take advantage of the opportunity, my beloved Eleonore, to give you a proof of my regard and friendship for yourself, and also a token of my enduring remembrance of your family. Pray then accept this trifle, and do not forget that it is offered by a devoted friend. Oh! if it only gives you pleasure, my wishes will be fulfilled. May it in some degree recall the time when I passed so many happy hours in your house! Perhaps it may serve to remind you of me till I return, though this is indeed a distant prospect. Oh! how we shall then rejoice together, my dear Eleonore! You will, I trust, find your friend a happier man, all former forbidding, careworn furrows smoothed away by time and better fortune.
When you see B. Koch [subsequently Countess Belderbusch], pray say that it is unkind in her never once to have written to me. I wrote to her twice, and three times to Malchus (afterwards Westphalian Minister of Finance), but no answer. Tell her that if she does not choose to write herself, I beg that she will at least urge Malchus to do so. At the close of my letter I venture to make one more request–I am anxious to be so fortunate as again to possess an Angola waistcoat knitted by your own hand, my dear friend. Forgive my indiscreet request; it proceeds from my great love for all that comes from you; and I may privately admit that a little vanity is connected with it, namely, that I may say I possess something from the best and most admired young lady in Bonn. I still have the one you were so good as to give me in Bonn; but change of fashion has made it look so antiquated, that I can only treasure it in my wardrobe as your gift, and thus still very dear to me. You would make me very happy by soon writing me a kind letter. If mine cause you any pleasure, I promise you to do as you wish, and write as often as it lies in my power; indeed everything is acceptable to me that can serve to show you how truly I am your admiring and sincere friend,
L. V. BEETHOVEN.
P.S. The variations are rather difficult to play, especially the shake in the Coda; but do not be alarmed at this, being so contrived that you only require to play the shake, and leave out the other notes, which also occur in the violin part. I never would have written it in this way, had I not occasionally observed that there was a certain individual in Vienna who, when I extemporized the previous evening, not unfrequently wrote down next day many of the peculiarities of my music, adopting them as his own [for instance, the Abbé Gelinek]. Concluding, therefore, that some of these things would soon appear, I resolved to anticipate this. Another reason also was to puzzle some of the pianoforte teachers here, many of whom are my mortal foes; so I wished to revenge myself on them in this way, knowing that they would occasionally be asked to play the variations, when these gentlemen would not appear to much advantage.